"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

reflections

Love, my self-adorned Humanity, and me, were in every book that I had to read lately. In every scene of a movie I saw. In every conversation with people that I like, even with those i dont.

And when I reflect back on them, on Orwell's 1984 or Dogsville, or just the simple feeling of unease around people who I denounced as Hypocrites. Even more, in the feeling of betrayal I somehow felt from within myself.

It only results in a session of self loathing, maybe some good lashing, and self spanking. Things that when I look infront of a mirror or sit on bed and raise my legs on the wall, look at me from above, seem such a pathetic cry for attention, or for my teacher to tell me that I'm good at math. Ironically, very typical.

Who's to say that I wouldnt do what Dogsville people did. Who's to say that it'd make any difference if I didnt. or If I'd respond differently to someone trying to inflict that on me.
Who's to say why I write this on this blog. Who's to say why u come here and read it.

Even now when I am trying to spill out my disgust at my own inability to understand myself, to reassure myself, disgust at the irony, that I could spend a whole night talking to someone about humanity, and then come back to my bed and feel this utter loneliness.

Who's to say which is worse, the hangman or the victim that forgives him. And who's to say which one you are, at any given moment in time.

What if evil disappears? What if suffering seizes to exist? isnt that in a way just shrinking the colors of life... how is it enriching to Humanity in anyway? to lose one of our feelings? isnt it just like the destruction of language in Orwell's 1984?

And, finally, How cruel is it to ask such a question?

It probably is nothing more than the hallucinations of someone trying to make his own trivial sufferings "noble" or maybe "intellectual"...

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like it or not, feelings are noble, no matter what. And evil shouldn't disaapear for with out it you will not appreciate the beauty of what lies ahead in your life, you might be alone now, but you are not lonely, hundereds of people love u, wish you well, hold on Yazan, u taught me that, remember...

Miss u

Zena

March 15, 2007 4:43 PM

 

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