"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

At times,

...when melancholy enclaves me so deeply that I can feel my insides shrinking, when I feel it going down from my brain, I feel it in my eyes, I feel it in the 3'assa in my throat...

The only thing I can do, is to put a stream of photos, songs, memories or dreams and just watch me breakdown, exhaust my pain, exhaust my melancholy, blow it up inside of me, then rest down in pieces, in ashes... and sleep.

I'm leaving again, I'm leaving this room, cell, hell... and I'm leaving such a huge part of me in it, one that I thought so beautiful. I'm leaving memories, again.
I'm leaving people, half-way, people who in any other circumstance might've been best friends for a long time... unfortunately, I dont have that luxury.

Farewell Tokyo, I know it wasnt ur fault, its never easy to belong for a complexed me.

10 Comments:

Blogger Omar said...

when I was in London I hated it like hell for half my stay, and feel madly in love with it for the other half.
when I packed my stuff to leave my room and head back to Damascus... all the bad memories faded away, all my extremely annoying flatmates seemed like best friends, and the non-stop traffic outside my window (which always kept me awake at nights) seemed like music to my ears... I was crying my eyes out when I closed the door behind me for the last time...

this is the nature of departure.... you don't realize how influential can a place be until you leave it. it took me 8 years of moving and traveling until I started looking forward to the move as a start of a new experience and adventure.. I am sure Nagoia will have a whole set of new gloomy, sad, and happy memories.. and when you leave it.. you will realize how much you loved it... they are all the building bricks of your life....

all in all it's just another brick in the wall

;-)

March 13, 2007 8:33 AM

 
Blogger Andre said...

Man you got me thinking; sometimes I feel that I left so many people behind that I can not see anyone in front.

May peace be with you ;)

March 13, 2007 9:33 AM

 
Blogger Lujayn said...

Yazan, we’re all going with you so it can’t be so bad!

March 13, 2007 5:21 PM

 
Blogger abufares said...

"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet."
Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924)

Wherever the tides might take you... you'll be alright.

March 13, 2007 6:51 PM

 
Blogger SillyBahrainiGirl said...

Lovely post! I am touched :)

March 14, 2007 12:07 AM

 
Blogger DUBAI JAZZ said...

Yazan,
It seems that we expatriates, foreign students and immigrants are all destined to live our lives in a constant change.... it's like riding the train, so many people get on board, some will leave at the next stop, some will stay till their destiny calls... we will have to leave at a certain stage and embark on another ride, heading to a different destination... trains never stop, ... life journey ever stops...
Take it easy Yazoon, you will be alright!
Stay in touch...

March 14, 2007 12:35 AM

 
Anonymous sandi said...

hi, you have great blog, kisses from
Poland :)

March 14, 2007 4:56 AM

 
Blogger Ihsan said...

Tokyo, Kyoto, Oklahoma, Madgascar...they will all feel alike...with a slice of difference up or down...but the overall...you are, like me, alone in a new place...not your place...among people...not your people...trying your best to adapt while keeping who you really are....

Not an easy life my friend...I feel you...i've been there for a year and a half....and nothing seem to feel better....but still...it's one stop in life, a station that we need to stop at and get something, lose many thing, learn stuff, and forget other stuff....but at the end of the day...life goes on...

So how far the place you are going to? and why going there in the first place?

March 14, 2007 9:46 AM

 
Blogger Yazan said...

Omar,

the sad thing is, right now before i leave, I realize the grave things that I've already left here, the parts of me that faded here, the parts of my childhood that faded here, parts of my heart, my tears and my laughters... and also parts of the people I loved...

Andre,
Thats true my friend, but, ironically, these people who are infront are the ones who help us pick up the pieces.

lujayn, abufares, amira,
:)

DJ,
Weird thing is, I dont think I can imagine my life without changing these trains... pathetic eh?

Ihsan,
Going there o do my bachlor degree... :) wish me luck my friend...

March 15, 2007 12:59 AM

 
Blogger Alisa said...

there is nothing so hard as leaving, except of course being left- and though you already pointed out that my time to leave will come soon enough I can't help but think that time is achingly far away, and moreover so overwhelmingly unknown I can't even bring myself to wish it would come sooner- and this town is already full of haunted places: buildings, stations, and times of day made tragic by the ghosts of those who have come and gone and moreover the ghost of who I was when I was with them, and now the thought of adding more to their number throws me into a panic although I know the reality of it will probably not be as bad as I feel it will be now.

But that is the permanent lot of the traveller, or the one who makes her bed with travellers: to be constantly and permanently reminded of the ephemerality of all things in the physical world, to become either crushed and wary of trusting anyone or anything or perennially elated that she should be allowed to see any of it, or anything at all, before it all dissapears. And even though I should hope I, and you, are counted amoung the latter group still the loss of anything- good or bad- reminds me how little control I have over any of it and makes me wonder all over again if there is some purpose or design to the way things have happened- if they were meant to happen or if things could in fact have been different, better.

In any case, I'll miss you.

March 15, 2007 3:16 PM

 

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