"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Incoherent Bullshit 3 - From Tokyo

When I'm in the shower, I realize how oddly looking us humans are. I look down, I see two long "legs" and something dandling in the middle. when ur in the shower, try it... I'm sure u'll feel the same way. I donno for women though.

What is a definition of a great man...? Churchill is great, and so is Hitler. Omar al-Khayyam is great and so is his friend Hasan al-Sobah. funny isn't it?

I'm at this point of my life, where I live Bakaloria all over again. minus, the courage, the familiarity, and the self-assurance. added, the wager.

I have always had the tendency to close down on myself. to close down on my mind, my thoughts, my ideas. my heart. given any encouragement. I have always been trying to fight it, apparently with not such success, I hate closed minded people and I hate defeated people. I hate them with passion, because I have such a huge part of me that would just like to live that way. I guess.

I said...


I have never lost hope, in a third, forth, fifth, or millionth way out of this mess called the Middle East. It's not only, my naive romanticism, it's also History.

You see, Individuals are the pioneers for change. Governments are not, People are NOT [at least positive change...], everyday that passes on this hell-hole called middle east, makes me deeply believe in this. Individuals are those who change, and no one else. This Middle East, Far East, whatever u wanna call it, never lacked the spirits, never lacked individuals, I believe in that.

I have this sickness, this urge, to read books, right before my exams. I read Maya 2 hours before a very important physics exam back in the days. Ali and Nino, during my 10th grade exams. I read Heinrich Heine's Travels in Europe, at the dawn of my Bakaloria Chemistry final exam. now I'm fighting this poisonous urge to read Murakami's Kafka on the Shore.

I never said there's no God, I don't actually know whether he exists or not. I don't know. That's why I dont believe in him. If it's that important for him me believing I'm sure he knows how to do it. Since he didn't, WHY DO YOU PEOPLE BOTHER? ARE YOU HIS SOLE AGENT ON EARTH?

The most meaningless 2 arguments that I hear so often, too often actually...

Me, "I dont believe in God"
Someone, "But, You have to!"
Me, "WHY?"
Someone, "Because God said so, didnt u read the Quran"
Me, "@($&%$^&$"

If there's a God upthere, then he's much more godly than all the names u call him. and he's Ashamed with u people. How do I know? I don't. [I got a very thoughtful note from a friend, and she's right. God IS about Love, God is bigger than being ashamed of us humans. But to make my point clear, I was merely referring to the stupid argument, and simplification and difilement effect on the idea of God these arguments manage to create (in my own opinion ofcourse)].

Who of you knows Joseph Sa2er?

I'm living the lack of words. the lack of any sort of creativity. the lack of space...


Why am I here writing this obviously worth-for-nothing shit instead of studying? That too, I don't know.

At somepoint, I will leave this blog. For some reason... But I know, that, If I survive the next 10 years, I will look back on this and be happy. maybe I'll be nostalgic, maybe I'll regret some stuff. I'll probably understand the stuff I write more, I'll probably slap my forehead and wish I had done a certain thing differently, cuz it's obvious [THEN], maybe I'll miss some feelings, some people. But overall, I will be happy to have made it there.

If I read the last thought without knowing Me, I would've thought I'm somekinda bosnian war victim. For those of u, who dont know me. I'm not. I'm not living an epic. And actually, most people would kill to be in my shoes. I would.

Regardless, I know I will be happy.

Today's Mood... Soap Kills - Le Zaalan?

powered by ODEO

Bad hair day - Bathroom, Tokyo.


Blogger Blue Ice Envy Bis said...

I like it, the hair I mean.

November 19, 2006 3:46 PM

Blogger no one said...

y3ni sorry menak i couldn't stop my fingers from asking ...why would most ppl kill to be in ur shoes?
what's so killing about ur shoes??

November 19, 2006 10:12 PM

Blogger Yazan said...

yeah, i can tell u dont quite fancy being in my shoes...
well... good for u. ;)

November 20, 2006 12:06 AM

Blogger abufares said...

when i'm in the shower,
i can see my belly & the tip of my toes...

November 20, 2006 2:04 AM

Blogger no one said...

ya zelemeh u got urself another question.
from where exactly u could tell this??

a PS to remind u that u didn't answer the 1st one.

November 20, 2006 11:52 PM

Anonymous lost somewhere said...

I loved the "bullshit" you wrote for the simple reason that it represents exactly the state most of us often find ourselves in when we know exactly what we should be doing(let's not forget the clock ticking right next to us) but instead, we unwillingly (or willingly???) get dragged into playing the "let's waste some time" game. (&how many times have I fallen into this tricky game...)
Reminds me of similar situation but with food. Sometimes when starving, I become so indecisive about what I'm about to eat.And I find myself eating everything around from salty to sweet (and sometimes go back to salty just to regulate the sweetness) thus ending up stuffed but absolutely unsatisfied.
And every time it happens I find myself asking the same question: "WHY DID'NT I, FROM THE BEGINNING, GET (OR DO) MYSELF A NICE MEAL INSTEAD?" But my tummy always replies: "Oh Pleaaase spare me the bullshit and just SHUT UP!"

November 21, 2006 10:47 AM

Blogger kwakix said...

i just loved every word u said .. so true .. i can see myself in almost everythin (except the shower part) .. && i love soap kills!

November 22, 2008 2:33 AM


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