"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Friday, September 29, 2006

High on Tokyo

It's not me, This city never intrigued me, and although I'm trying, it's not looking as if she's trying.

Miro is actually high on Tokyo, who's Miro, he's just a bulgarian guy in my program, he lives here, just like the rest of us, except he breathes Tokyo, Japanese, sometimes he makes me angry, because it gives him that confident-aura that I miss so much.

An Aura I used to feel when I walk down the alleys of old Damascus, I spent countless hours just strolling down these alleys, with Alaa, Maad, Zeid, Bashar, Zena, Alone... I'd go to Damascus just to walk there, breathe the stones, and watch the confidence people feel when the cross these narrow streets.

I used to feel this when I'd walk down the sleepy streets of Latakia, late at night, with no one there, except us, 3 very lost -or so we thought- guys, either laughing my heart out, or crying it out.

I've done a lot of walking.

What was I talking about, yes, Miro, Miro is just one of these people here, there's just so many, and I just got to know them this month, every and each one of them amazes me in the way they handle their problems, their pains, the way they manage to smile at a silly joke, the way they taught me [and probably most of them don't know this] how to do it myself, how to be a part of a conversation again... I'm not the guy with the most problems here, I have a lot of shit, I know, but the fact that a whole part of this shit is only the result of shit-chemicals reactions inside, absolutly self-produced shit.

Regardless, again, so Tokyo, yeah, it's just another city, I'm coming in terms with her, I'm finding my little arrangement, I'm studying, I stopped trying to like it, and just started doing it because it's there, and for another reason, I was just thinking in the morning when I was doing my Kanji quiz, that I have to beat this fucking language, I have to beat this fucking place, to restore my long lost ego. [I miss the days when u used to call me arrogant ya zeid], and 3 hours ago, I was reading Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood, and it reads... "It's because I hated the place so much. I wasn't going to let it beat me. If I'd let it get to me once I'd be finished. I was scared I'd just keep slipping down and down...", weird eh? I thought so too.

My room is still messy, it's still dirty, I still have papers all over the place, but I guess, that's how "My Room" has always been...
Ziad is still playing in the background, sometimes Mounir too, others Fairouz, A-Ha...
5 years ago, A-ha's song "Lifelines" raised for me the most existintialist question at that time, "Can once in a lifetime happen twice...?"... It still does.

I feel like I'm rewriting myself for everyone who's still there back home.. lol

Anyways, I still wanna travel this east, I wanna see how "Tokyo" is different than the east... I might start with Thailand, I can't stay here, and I can't go back to Syria for an 11 days holiday... I wanna spend my 2 weeks christmas holiday there. so much to ur pleasure moryarti!! ;)

May, too much confusion, and too much thinking, in opposed to too much feeling, or vice versa I really don't know, too much realism, phones hanging-up, and I still miss her eyes ya maad, they still crack me down when I look at them on my wall.
I have 3'assa, whenever I hear that song from Ziad and Salma's Mondose.
Maad, I can see ur "smile", my smile, I know, I try to remember what I used to tell u, how we used to work ur everything in the morning, in just one drunken night in that room!! I actually tried to have a monolgue, to put u infront of me, and have u tell me what I used to tell u, but I forgot...
what is it about her, what is it about your eyes, that everytime I think I can get a hold of them they burn out, the burn me in.
"I chose you", They can be so scary.

Chapters of Himingway's "Farewell to Arms" have been coming back to me so much lately, I donno why, I haven't thought about that novel for so many years, after it had been my favorite book for as long as I can remember.

Last week, I bought a red smirnoff, and just like the last time i did that back in the days, I drank a third of it, and waited for all these problems inside of my head to dissolve to small numberss and shapes, to see my hands grasping them and putting them in place, but... Long story short, Vodka is just another kind of alcohol now, to me.

Small things still make me extravagantly happy, I bought a new 250 GB external drive, and for 2 days I was flying, I was copying stuff, I felt like I can put god in there. ofcourse, now that I have only 70GB free on it, it doesn't feel like life is pink and blue anymore.

I was showing Farhad, zeid's pix today... I came to this picture again, probably one of the best photos anyone has ever taken for me... it's still amazinf how he got it, and I'm still in love with my hair back then... the color and the texture, it was so "Latakia's Warm Winter"!!!

What else, I hate the rain here, simply because I cant enjoy it. That was one fucked up sentence.. lol

okay, I'm getting too nostalgic, and I got 3 open MSN Messenger windows, just watch this video... it cracks me up, and then it unflods me to these days of extreme relaxation...

cheers everyone,
from the land of the rising sun, me, yazan, and like sou always says... signing out,

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Dorm-cast... 1 - Surroundings

So, here I am.. this is me.. this is my dorm...

I'm finally coming to peace with this place... so, I guess you should meet it...

Alrighty, here it comes, in a series of posts I'll be video casting, stuff that happen here, or just people.. but in the next few vids, just enjoy getting to know the surroundings...

Dorm - The Entrance

Dorm - The Elevator

Dorm - The Room

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

تلفن عياش

Sometimes you say stuff just so you wouldn't stay silent, just to hear ur voice... dont worry, unfortunatly everyone does that, exactly when they only need to be silent.

This post is just another example.

وأخيراً تلفن عياش متل ما كأنو ما تلفن

Everytime I meet someone I have to go like, "Oh, this one looks like a 3ayyash, rasheed, abu al-jawaher, artin, estaz noor, fo2ad, krikor, shallal....."

w 2m7,

Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Pope: An Old Post?

I wanted to write a post, about, the Pope, Islam, Humans and Eternity... I found that I've written enough...

In reply to the comments on last post... read between these lines...

Another Reading of The "Protect Hijab" Campaign!

Holy Book or Civil Law?!

In Defense of Religion!

Hijab, a Follow Up!

Enjoy, hehe...

P.S. Personal Note,
I read back these posts, and I read the comments, and I am a bit disappointed of what this blog has come to, what "I" have come to... I wish I had the energy, optimism or time that I had just a year ago... it's a phase. let's hope.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Your Pontif, Go Read More History

I Really, Honestly dont care what he said about Muhammed, the Profit, I'm not here to defend him, I'm not in a position that allows me to, and I personally find way more fundmental illnesses in the Message of Islam and Religions as a whole to actually get into that...


I've stated so many times that I'm not religious. but, I'm sociologically, culturally a muslim, I belong to this culture, I celebrate lots of its traditions, I enjoy the atmospheres of Ramadan, I enjoy so many aspects of it, and indulge myself in a lot more... I'm proud to be a part of that history with all its faults and bloodsheds, because I know that it gave the world Granada, Damascus, Baghdad, Cairo, and some of the most beautiful literature ever written... It's not the "Religion" that did that, it's the "Culture"... and not just the culture of Islam for that matter, Islam and Arabic Language was the big pot where all the people who needed shelter, who needed someone to publish their books, all the way from China to Southern France... I'm proud of being at the very Center of some of the brightest stops of that Culture.

And that's what's so disgusting in the Pontif's speach... It's amazing how the human memory works,

Sir, with all do respect to everything you represent, but "Your" God has way more blood on its hands... not that it matters, that's just a part of religions, not just religons, Ideologies as whole, are one big hole of blood, repression... along with other things, good and bad, that "define" US as Humans, and I'm getting a whole different thing here.. so back to History.

Maybe you should read more into History...
...Meanwhile, a plague (perhaps typhus) broke out, killing many, including the legate Adhemar. There were now even fewer horses than before, and Muslim peasants refused to give them food. In December, the capture of the Arab town of Ma'arrat al-Numan took place, and with it the first known incident of cannibalism by the crusaders...
Holy Wars, has been fought in the name of every single thing, good and bad... Religion, God, Communism, Civilization, Land and Freedom... aren't these all Holy Wars!

In support of those who refused to be silenced...

I wished I could say that this is a statement by... "Syrian Bloggers", but apparently it's not,


The updated high profile Syrian prisoners list include Mahmoud Issa, Michel Kilo, Khalil Hasan, Anwar el Bunni, Suleiman al-Shamar, Ali Abdallah, Mohammed Ali Abdallah, Kamal Labwani, Fateh Jamous, Habib Saleh and Aref Dalila.

It is easy to become complacent and resign oneself to the fact it all seems hopeless. But, at least, in honor of those few who believed that it is NOT hopeless, that this country has a better future beyond corruption and dogma.

We owe it to these prisoners of conscience and we owe it to the future of our country to keep pushing for their release.

We are all Free Syrians and We deserve a fair justice system, free speech and better policies.

Blogs who support this statement...

Fares - Free Syria
Syrian Brit - The Syrian Brit

Abu Kareem - Levantine Dreamhouse

Yaser - Roneceve
Philip I - Via Recta

I find myself reading the great Saad Allah Wannous again,
كيف نعيش حياتنا اليومية ونساكن هذا الرعب الذي يتربص بنا هنا... والآن؟ أي صملاخ بليد يحجب عن أسماعنا الصراخ والأنين, كي نواصل نومنا كل ليلة! أي ذاكرة مثقوبة تلك التي تتيح لنا أن نتناسى الآلاف الذين يهترئون في السجون هنا... والآن! هذا عار يكاد يلامس التواطؤ. من خوفنا, وغفلتنا, وصمتنا يغزل الجلاد سياطه. ومن خوفنا, وغفلتنا, وصمتنا تغصّ بنا السجون, تغدو الحياة هنا والآن كابوساَ من الجنون والرعب.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Another Embassy

First of all, and regardless of what "this" really is, my deepest condolences to the dead soldeir.

So here's the deal,

4 guys sneaked a van full of explosives and gas pots to just infront of the US embassy. and our brave security forces caught them just in time.

but, 6 months ago, there were 2000 protestors whos been cheering violent cheers in the middle of the embassy neihbourhood, for 2 hours, they burnt down 3 embassies.. and were marching for the 4th when our [the very same, mind you] forces took action.

I'm not gonna make any conclusions, I'm gonna keep my mind very much to myself, but here's a FACT we've come used to...

Everytime the Syrian TV rallies over something, there's gotta be something fishy about it...

Nothing in this 185,180 Square Kilometer of Syria happens without the stamping of the residents of Qassioun.

cheers everyon...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Grandma and Japan

According to my dad, thats what grandma had to say...
ستك زعلانة عليك كثير قال أنا بعثتك لعند هالمتوحشين اللي (حسب حكيها أنت مخبرها )بياكلو السمك ني وحاولنا نفهمها أنو الجماعة متحضرين بس ما اقتنعت خاصة بعد ما سمعت أنن ساكنين بآخر الأرض ولما روّجت تقتنع عرفت أنو ما بياكلو بالملاعق جنت وقالت بالعودان؟؟ الله يقطعهم ويقطع أكلهم.

English translation... [Approximate ofcourse ;)]
Your grandma is very upset for you, she says we "sent" you to the land of those barbarians who eat raw fish, we tried persuading her, telling her that these people are one of the most developed nations, she wouldn't sway especially when she heard that they live at the edge of the world... and just as she was starting to come closer she heard that they dont use "spoons" while eating, she went berserk, and said... "CHOPSTICKS!! May god burn them and that food of theirs..."

Sunday, September 10, 2006

الآن... هنا: عبد الرحمن منيف

حين فرغت من رواية عبد الرحمن منيف الجديدة, أحسست حلقي جافاً, وغمرني شعور ذاهل بالعار. كيف نعيش حياتنا اليومية ونساكن هذا الرعب الذي يتربص بنا هنا... والآن؟ أي صملاخ بليد يحجب عن أسماعنا الصراخ والأنين, كي نواصل نومنا كل ليلة! أي ذاكرة مثقوبة تلك التي تتيح لنا أن نتناسى الآلاف الذين يهترئون في السجون هنا... والآن! هذا عار يكاد يلامس التواطؤ. من خوفنا, وغفلتنا, وصمتنا يغزل الجلاد سياطه. ومن خوفنا, وغفلتنا, وصمتنا تغصّ بنا السجون, تغدو الحياة هنا والآن كابوساَ من الجنون والرعب.
إن رواية عبد الرحمن منيف تمزق الصمت, وتعلن الفضيحة. هذه الأوطان - السجون الفضيحة, وهؤلاء المواطنون - المساجين فضيحة, وهذا التاريخ الشرق أوسطي معتقل يستنقع في الفضيحة. ورغم أن الرواية لا تلاحق هذه الفضيحة بتنوعاتها القطرية, وتعدد مستوياتها, فإنها تتعمد أن تظل قولاً ناقصاً, قولاً لا يكتمل إلا إذا أضاف القارئ عليه موقفاً أو فعلاً.
وبين التعرية والتحريض, وبين النمنمة الفنية والوعي التاريخي, يبني عبد الرحمن منيف رواية -شهادة, لن نستطيع الاستغناء عنها إذا أردنا أن نعرف الــ الآن... وهنا, وإذا أردنا أن نغير الــ هنا... والآن أيضاً.
سعد الله ونوس