"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

A different thought...





When your frustrated, angry, hurt, screwed up or screwing up... or whatever other low life forms u might experience, there's always these very few people [they call them bestfriends] who will say absolutly any bullshit to lift u..

No matter how lame and silly it is, no matter how far from the truth it might be. at that particular moment, it's the one thing that u need... whether it's a "Remember when..." or an explanation or excuse or whatever... and the silly thing, is that u both at that minute believe it... no matter how stupid it is, and u believe it, and u definitly know that it's not true.. but u believe it cuz it'll get u both through the day... and that's what counts.

You wake up in the morning, depressed, frustrated maybe.. probably, but also, with a sense of the "It'll be over at some point..."...

It alaways worked, as simple as that... the thing is, these things, as simple, lame and stupid as they are, u need someone to tell u them, u cant just tell them to urself. it doesnt work like that...

Most of the time, u can step over urself when u dont get them... by storming at someone else, or breaking a glass, getting drunk or sleeping to forget or whatever u usually do, when u lack these words... but in very certain cases... u can't.

I miss that feeling, every single day. and I am getting by, but in very certain cases, i'm not...

Because, the fact is, when u dont have that someone around, u'll just keep them locked in... and that's fucked. I for me, I can't, it'd kill me... they have to come out, it's not a choice ya3ni, I wish i can control it. And most of the time, when they come out... They hurt... They hurt the dearest people to me, and that in turn only fuels my frustration...
I'm not a great dealer with words, I need my body language, I need my arms to flow all over the place when I talk... I need to use my voice to express, I NEED to use my face... and it's always frustrating not being able to... I need a bit more space than what MSN Messenger or Skype are willing to offer...

I'm not sure how to break loose from this cycle of horror... I've never been put in this situation, never had to handle locked up feelings for more than weeks... And I'm not doing quite well...

Last time, a few weeks ago.. we had a little skype conference, me, zeid, maad and bashar... although I didnt really say anything important, but, just the fact that we were again, able to bitch about anything, laugh, and hear these certain words... like when it usually happens every friday morning... It wasnt about telling them my "raison d'etre" crisis, it was just about talking shit about the mobile bill, or bas al-zera3a, or just make fun of the last dork-like thing i've done... and maybe just give me a silly excuse for someone for sth that's been getting on my nerve for days... a really silly and stupid excuse, but I need it to get over whatever that is...
It just made me feel soo good, I cried all night...

For those who handle my shit all the time, and can still love me, ego-free, and limitless, thank you... I cant be more grateful...

...وفمح


Again, like i said 4 months ago...
"I'm just an emotionally-dependent sucker.."

17 Comments:

Blogger Steliano Ponticos said...

i have to say its very honest of you to say that you cried, i would never write that i cried. and it feels the same when i call my parents

May 24, 2006 9:40 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey!how are you doing man!!
well this post is a great one.
let me tell you no matter how far you go, you must be sure that your friends here will always be ready to hear your bull-shits, sort of speak, anyway, take it easy try not to keep everything in you figure something to make you lose all the bad feeling in you.
we'll try to talk to you anytime we can, sure if guys have time.
well crying is not a crime and if by crying you take it out well good for you, but don't cry alot.
ok Yaz take it easy we are all there for you and i believe in two years i'll know exactly what you mean.
well write more ok!!!
TSO

May 25, 2006 3:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Yaz,
sorry to say so man, but it is obvious you're so much more in love with May than she is in you, don't you feel that sometimes?
hope i'm wrong,
take care bro

May 25, 2006 5:16 AM

 
Blogger Mirzade said...

anonymous...
you are judgin me " and i dont appreciat that"

well we are partners so i dont think there is more or less love here...

but still...he's didnt think for a sec befor he said he'd spend eternity with me , well i am afraid of the eternal shot (and he knows that)!! but i would go for it... i am tryin to be honest :)

i love yazan more then anything in my life...i dont know if that's good inof for you , but it seems to be good inof for him...

you know what .. i used to say to yazan you love me more then i love you .. but then i discovered that each one of us loves in his own way... and i know am abit tuff on him "and me" sometimes... but that's how i am...

yazan is the best thing that happend to me... i cant imagine my life without him ( it's not that i CAN imagine it and go like oh yeah it'll be hard) i CAN'T

finally i dont think you are wrong anonymous... as much as i hate to admit it " and as much as he dosent like me sayin that" he does love me more then i love him... but that dosent mean i am not loving him with all the love i can give ...

to love is not to look at each other it is to look togther in the same direction.. and i think we are.. despite our diffrences we are that is love...

for the first time ...i dont know what yazan would've said ... but
i know he is happy, and that's all what counts...

he says our love is eternal i prefer to say it's absolute but we agree on OUR love wich i think is enough...
:)
LoVe

May.a

May 25, 2006 5:43 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are one honest girl, May,
didn't mean to be annoying or anything, but as a reader I thought I'd point out what I observed. Really appreciate ur honesty though. And I know what you mean,
all the best you guys.
good luck.

May 25, 2006 6:54 AM

 
Blogger Yazan said...

@May, Anon.
I wasnt gonna get into this whole conversation.. but anyways..

basically, I feel that the whole idea of the "absolute" is that it's no longer valid for comparisons and measurments and whatever values u might have, it's there and it's absolute and it's a fact. there's no "fact" that is "more true" than another. I believe in that...

and regardless, I'm not sure why u "anonymous" feel that "if it is that way" it should bother me...
It's not a burdon, it's not a promise nor a commitment, it's a choice, that "I" as a "Me myself and I" before I became a part of "Us" made. and now it's only a part of me, it's not like I'm putting effort to it.. it's just the way I live... and if it's making the one person who is important to me happy then where exactly the problem?
I'm not doing it for exchange of anything, I'm not doing it to win her love, I dont need to do that. there's no such thing aslan, whn u love, u give everything u can.. w bas... I give everything i can, and she is...
Aslan, u can't say I'm "doing" it, because it's not like something I can "do" or "not".. it's just another part of me now... just like my hand...
When u make a choice like this, when I said I'd take that eternal shot, u dont really expect anything in return... u take it cuz for u there's no other way... when u reach this level, there's no other way.

I'm not afraid of the eternity shot because that's how i am, that's how my life was formed, it's not because i love her "more", it's just because i'm not afraid of "eternity" as a concept... on the contrary, the idea of mortality is the "illogical horror" for me...

May 25, 2006 1:09 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

بس كأنو ما إلنا شغلي غير غرامياتكم
لو بتزوقو شوي ممكن

May 26, 2006 7:29 AM

 
Blogger Mirzade said...

anonymous ...it's SIMPLE :: do not read it !! shu allah jabrak 3ala 3'aramiatna??
May.a

May 26, 2006 8:01 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

طيب منشان الناس
مو حلوة مضينها غراميات وحكي ما بيناسب بيئتنا ولا مجتمعنا
بعدين أهلك عارفين ؟؟

May 26, 2006 8:38 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

( هدا رأيك و هادا رأيي)
منشان أيا ناس بالزبط؟؟
لحد دلوئتي ما فيش حد مزعوج غيرك .. بقؤلك أيه... عندي فكرة ممكن تعمل عريضة ضد الحب أو الحب العلني أيا كان فيهوم اليي مكدر صفو أيامك و صفو المجتمع و البيئة الشريفة العفيفة الطاهرة المتاسمحة المتاوئمة الغير مدعية الغير منافقة (من دون تعميم طبعا) ...و نشوف في كام واحد هيمضيها؟؟؟(((((علي الأقل احنا مش منافقين ))))
حكي ما بيناسب بيئتنا ولا مجتمعنا: ممكن تنورني و تقولي أيا مجتمع و أيا بيئة اللي ما بيناسبن الحب ؟؟؟
"......" أبو دا مجتمع و دي بيئة ... (مع احترامي الشديد ليهوم طبعا يعني)
بعدين أهلك عارفين ؟؟
أهلي عمرهم ما حبوا حدا أد ما بيحبوا يزن (و بيحترموني فا بالتالي بيحترموا اختياري): مع انو دي مش مشكلتك...
اليي بيخجل من حبه بيخجل من حاله و اليي بخجل من حاله عندة عقدة نقص في أحسن الأحوال...
غراميات!!!!
مش مطلوب منك تحترم أراء الأخرين لأنك ما احترمتهاش من الأول بس مطلوب منك أكيد تحترم أنسانيتهم..
Si la vie est issue d'on ne sait pas trop où, l'amour, lui, est issu de l'imagination humaine, du moment où il s'est dit: "tout ce qui est exaltant, on pourrait le regrouper sous ce mot là, tout ce qui est bon, généreux".
Le mot amour a servi à piéger, à faire des catastrophes, et en même temps c'est encore celui qui fait qu'on a envie d'avancer, qu'on a envie de pédale. Il peut etre resume en une formule: 1+1=3. C'est à dire que l'addition de deux éléments donne une somme plus importante que leur simple juxtaposition, qu'ensemble on est plus fort.
C'est le début de la société aussi, ce qui fait que nous ne sommes pas des animaux solitaires, qu'on vit dans des villes, qu'on se rencontre, qu'on dialogue, qu'on parle. Il peut y avoir des échanges par la parole qui vont très loin.

May.a

May 26, 2006 9:10 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

we are talkin about what is absolute and what is eternal : i cant see were we are offending anyone and as i said it is SIMPLE ... close the window dont read it whatever it takes...
but please show some respect...
i respect you as a human being and you should respect me as one no matter how diff. our opinions are...
this is how we will evolute ya3ni !!
with a bit of respect and a bit of love and a bit of comprehension and some good intentions...

i hope i didnt offend you cuz i dont want to , but you did offend me...

Dare to make a diffrence Dare to LOVE...
May.a

May 26, 2006 9:15 AM

 
Blogger Yazan said...

I'm not sure what's the deal with people coming to my blog and telling me to shut up.
kinda weird!!! dont u think?

regardless, I'm not sure I can argue with some one who's main point is "Love is a shame"...

This Blog will ALWAYS be about Love [all kinds of love]... and me and May is always gonna be here..

u dont like it?
put ur internet into a better use somewhere else...
Fact: there are MILLIONS of blogs online... mesh daroori "tsem badanak" hon ya3ni.. it's not like I'm broadcasting in ur bedroom's TV.

May 26, 2006 5:11 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

مراهقة
الله يعينا لتكبروا

May 27, 2006 2:35 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there,
I am the (first) anonymous guy who started all this. Yaz, you should allow blogger comments only lol, I will make an account just to comment here.
And to that other anonymous guy: go get a life dude!!!

May 27, 2006 3:28 AM

 
Blogger AhmadK said...

UP UP UP
YAZ YAZ YAZ

UP UP UP
MAY MAY MAY

DOWN DOWN DOWN
Anonymouse Anonymouse Anonymouse

May 27, 2006 5:08 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahmad,
UP yours
lol

May 28, 2006 5:38 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site! Keep up the good work. Thanks.
»

July 22, 2006 10:46 PM

 

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