"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Monday, October 31, 2005

A house, a mountain and a setting sun!!!



I was too bored and pissed to listen to a prof. like Jerjus Eskef talking about hyper complicated differential equations, so... I unleashed my drawing skills!!
[I know there's a "River" missing, but nevermind, maybe next painting]

DAMN, I miss al-2ebteda2y!!!

ofcourse I couldn't resist adding that comment on the top of the painting! ;)

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Blogging elsewhere...

I just feel I need a space other than here,

an MSN Space, maybe!!

I'm definitly gonna keep blogging here, this is staying my personal blog... the other is my MUSICAL geeky blog, where i go as geeky as I want!!

Friday, October 28, 2005

I'm a ...!! DAMN I AM!

You are a

Social Liberal
(78% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(33% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat




Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Cold Water...

Fantasies are all i can think of right now, I'm in such a hollow phase I can only live inside my day-dreams...
The Caucasus is one of those fantasies..
I wanna go there, I wanna go to this strange part of the world, this hidden world of contradictions. Azerbaijan, Georgia and Armenia... I wanna go see all these places mentioned in "Ali and Nino", I wanna see Karabakh and the town of Shusha with its "5000 years old church", I wanna taste the "Kashitian wine", I wanna retrace the Ali and Nino through Tblisi, the city of Queen Tamar, and have a bath at the the sulfur springs there, I wanna see the "most beautiful women in the world" - Georgian Women, I wanna draw the borders between Asia and Europe, The old wall in Baku and the Old bridge in Gandsha...
I've always been into reading, but rarely a novel could move me like this one, since I read the first chapter 3 years ago it's here been with me, I've been looking for my Nino, or for my Ali... I donno exactly who to relate to!!!
I lost count of how many times I've read it so far, it just runs like the God's own Kashitian wine.
A lot of chapters there can tear me away, It's like listening to Damien Rice in an empty world.. where u can hear nothing but his voice!!
I need something that I can't figure out, I need someone that I have never met!
It's like, there's a certain feeling inside me, an overwhelming feeling that u can vividly remember and describe each and every second, and it kills ya to keep it inside, but u have to!

I donno what I'm blabing about, it's just that today I was searching for my english copy of "Ali and Nino" and I couldn't find it anywhere, it just vanished, and it felt like I lost something very basic, like losing a fact or part of me, i'm sitting in this bed since afternoon!!! it feels like crying, the overwhelming feeling of of dispair feels like waves coming from down ur stomach into ur head where u stop hearing anything for a second and then just pushes drops from ur eyes, then it just goes away... and another wave comes around again...
It's not the book, it's the feeling that what u haven't found in ur 18 years on earth, might never be found!! this tiny little possibility that I might be gone before I get a chance to describe that certain feeling to anyone... no matter how tiny and small this possibility is, at times, u feel like it's the only one, it's a small one but the only one!

cold cold water surrounds me now
and all i've got is your hand
lord can you hear me now?
lord can you hear me now?
lord can you hear me now?
lord can you hear me now?
or am i lost?
Damien Rice - Cold Water

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Words

It's nice to know that words still have such an effect...

Friday, October 21, 2005

What Happened?!

Aleppo, Amazing city... I first came to "Admire" this city through Amin Maalouf's "The Crusades Through Arab Eyes", a very vibrant history [Typical in this land of Syria], baring most of the old civilizations in this planet...
Yesterday I had my first tour there, the Citadel, Souks, Jabri Square, Hotel Baron, The Churhces of the 40 Martyrs, Omayyad Mosque... all of these stuff that make aleppo such a special place... the diversity of the population in this city, Armenians, Kurds, Assyrians, Turkmen and Arabs...
Modern Aleppo is nothing but a glimpse of the past... an inside look is enough to change all that, is enough to stir all kind of bitter emotions, I got my inside look from a very special someone that I have to thank!! thanks Ania! thanx for the tour, thanx for the info and thanx just for being u!!!
While we were strolling through the city, thoughts didn't make much sense, maybe it was the charming company that kept me smiling!! but on my way back to latakia, thinking about this... about a society that once was diverse, a country with a global sense of belonging, and how it's more like torn apart now... Armenians, Christians, Sunnis, Alawites, Kurds, Turkmen, Arabs.... everyone's living his own prallel life... inside the tightly closed circle of the sect/ethnicity... just a bunch of Ghettos living close to eachother... and the only interaction is assaulting others' personal freedom!!!
it's sad, it's just so sad!
and to know that aleppo isn't the only place in syria like that is even sadder!!! to know that Syria as we know it is now a majority and minority ghettos!!! it's just sad...

How did we get to this point?!
I mean, Syria has always been under the reign of the world's great empires, Egyptians, Assyrians, Romans, Byzantines, Arabs, Ottomans... but it never.. not once, never lost its identity.. it was always Syria.. and its ppl were always SYRIANS... they weren't "Egyptian Syrians", they weren't "Roman Syrians" and definitley not "Arab Syrians", we were always Syrians... Syria was always the refuge for anyone and everyone... and with no time refugees become Syrians, it doesn't mean that they lose their own culture or identity, no this identity becomes a part of Syria as a region and as an Identity of itself... It becomes a part of Syria, just as they become a part of Syrians, the flexibility of the concept of Syria [in my opinion] was the key element for the creativity that's flourished in this area, way before Arabs, Romans, Phoenicians...
Globalization started here!!!

Where are we now?!! nor Kurds nor Armenians feel the least Syrians, cuz the identity was manipulated into Arab Syrians... they're not Arab syrians... in the Syria that I was talking about, they won't even be Armenian Syrians nor Kurd Syrians, they would simply be Syrians, because Kurdish and Armenian culture and heritage would become a part of this culture and heritage of Syria! now after 90 years of Armenian refuge to Syria, they're not a part of the country, they're like foriegn investors living here... Kurds can't feel like they belong here, how can they when their language is prohibited?! I'm not politically speaking here!! I donno who's to blame for this!! Ottomans maybe?! 400 years of closness could turn the most open and creative mind into dust... I donno

Christians are being set aside when talking about the Islmaic heritage of Syria... about an Islamic Syria, [I know I believe in the rule of Majority, and I will always abide by it, but that doesn't mean that I won't fight fiercly for my beliefes], why can't it be just Syria, SYRIA with the combination of all these elements, Islamic, Christian, Roman, Helnistic, Phoenician... why do we want to tighten this Syrian Identity into a closed sect or religion,
Assad Syria... or Alawite Syria?! how did we even end up into this mess...
Being indulgence with minorities is not enough, is nothing really... cuz at most that'll make them feel safe, but it won't make them feel like they belong... While, they do, this is Syria.. ANYONE and EVERYONE belongs here!

We can re-create our own Syrian identity, the flxible open one... the once-was Global Syrian Identity... With the size of Syria!! it's our only way to be global again, we're not rich on oil, we're not a major power... we're just rich on diversity, we've got so many elements living here we can make a brand new world!!!

This is not SYRIA... this is a land of clans and ghettos...
I know this is just utopic, but I can't help it... I am a perfectionist. but u know what! it once was like this, we have the means to do it again, we just need the will, we're Syrians, we can do anything, we created GODS, and we detroyed GODS!!! we can do ANYTHING!

I'm Sorry if in anyway I offended anybody... Arabs, Sunnis, Armenians, Kurds, Alawites, Assyrians, Christians...!!!
I can not make u feel more Syrian, that's up to u!!!

Individuals are the pioneers for change... it's something I believe in...
I can not say that they can change everything, but they can make a difference... anybody that believes in such a Syria, raise ur hand plz..!! raise it high above!! and start making a difference!

I had these thoughts in my head for a while, but I needed a reason, a trigger to put them in order... Aleppo, and in particular this 2hrs tour, that was my trigger!!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Syria Forever!

Where in the hell can you go far from the things that you know?
Far from the sprawl of concrete that keeps crawling its way about 1,000 miles a day?
Take one last look behind, commit this to memory and mind.
Don't miss this wasteland, this terrible place.
When you leave keep your heart off your sleeve.

Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.
Don't you go.
Natalie Merchant - Motherland

That song was all I could think of reading this...
وأخيرا ، بريد الموقع يحتوي العديد من الرسائل..وأخيرا هناك من يتجاوب..
قبل يوم واحد فقط، كنت أتناقش مع أحد الأصدقاء حول سبب "الاستنكاف" عن التواصل مع الأسرى وإرسال رسائل تضامن لهم..برأي صديقي أن هذه الأساليب استهلكت، ملَها الناس خاصة وأن لاجدوى مباشرة منها..
هذا في الوقت الذي يستمر فيه الآلاف من أعضاء منظمة العفو الدولية في كل أنحاء العالم، بإرسال رسائل التضامن لمعتقلي الرأي والضمير في كل مكان..
من المؤكد أن أولئك المتضامنين ، يدركون كما ندرك، أن كلمة تشجيع أو تضامن لمعتقل هنا أو هناك، لن تكون مفتاح حريته، لكن باعتقادي أنها تفعل الكثير..
لا ينتظر المعتقل بالتأكيد "شكرا" على نضاله أوتضحيته في سبيل مبدأ آمن به ودفع ثمنا من حريته للدفاع عنه..لكن بالتأكيد أيضا لاينتظر نسيانا يمعن في آلم اعتقاله..
كإنسان جرد من حريته ، وعزل عن حياته ومجتمعه عقابا له على إيمانه بمبادئ الحرية والعدالة ، تخفف هذه الرسائل من حدة عزلته ، وتكسر رغما عن أنف السجان حاجزا أرادت نصبه ما بين المعتقل والحياة..
- مع الملاحظة هنا بأن الرسائل الموجهة للأسرى تصل إليهم مباشرة، أما الرسائل التي توجه للمعتقلين السياسيين في سورية فلا يسمح بوصولها إليهم، بل تستلمها العائلة ولا تتمكن من تسليمها للمعتقل!!! بل مجرد نقل خبر عنها إليه..-
وهي أيضا تنم عن الاستمرار بدلا من القطيعة، فالمبادئ التي اعتقل صاحبها لأجلها، لا تخضع للاعتقال أو الإقامة الجبرية أو ..الإعدام، ولا يحد من النضال لأجلها أي قمع مهما تمادى وأجحف..
أتخيل تلك الرسالة إلى أسير أو معتقل، كنقطة ضوء في غرفة مظلمة، تشعره أن الشمس هناك بانتظاره..
وكأنها يد تمتد لتشد على يده ... تأنسنت العلاقة، وما عاد هو مجرد اسم ورقم في قائمة تطول .. وما عدت مجرد مراقب محايد أو متعاطف بشكل سلبي..
لذلك كله غمرتني بدوري نقاط ضوء كثيرة عند رؤية مجموعة رسائل في بريد لجنة الدفاع عن أسرى الجولان ..ما لبثت أن تحولت إلى دبابيس تخز دماغي ..بعد ثوان قليلة.
الرسائل من "إسرائيليين" على ما يبدو، يقولون فيها "إسرائيل إلى الأبد" "Israel forever" عشرات المرات،أو يؤكدون بأنهم "لن يعيدوا الجولان " وليذهب العرب والأسرى إلى الجحيم....الخ
آسف للقول بأني أعجبت بهؤلاء الذين بلغ بهم التعصب والحقد "والإيمان" مبلغه!! فالموقع جديد نسبيا.. في منتدى رسائل محبة إلى الأسرى ثلاثة رسائل فقط رغم كل الدعوات للكتابة..في المقالات عدد قليل جدا مكتوب بغير أقلام النشطاء الجولانيين أو الأسرى أنفسهم..
وصلت الرسالة إلى السجان قبل أبناء البلد!! وساهم بطريقته الخاصة فيما يعتبره الكثيرون منا وسائل استهلكت أو غير ذات جدوى.
هم لا يدخرون أي وسيلة قلت أهميتها أو كبرت، للدفاع عن "قضيتهم"..ونحن ندخر طاقاتنا باستمرار لما لا نقوم به أبدا .

رزان زيتونة


It's a long lost part of Syria...
I think we owe it to them, to Mr. Hayel Abu Zed
It's repulsive what we've turned into... we can trade the remains of one israeli spy, that's how low the Syrian human being has deterred to... that's how much we're worth,

"Letters can be directly forwarded to the prisoners [Inside Israel], except for the political prisoners inside Syria..."
are we condemned to bitterness?!

WE SET THE STANDARDS PPL... WE ALWAYS DID... WE'RE NOT SECOND DEGREE HUMAN BEINGS, WE SHOULD'NT LIVE LIKE ONES!!

Maybe we just need to stop treating oursleves like that, if we want others to stop treating us like thus!!!

Send ur love letters ppl... send ur love
http://www.freejolan.com/index.htm

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Mabrouk, Ramadan Kareem Indeed!

He committed 'suicide'...
I'm not gonna discuss this obviously controversial issue, cause it doesn't really matter... what matters is that a huge burdon has been lifted, a very powerful man had passed out, one that ruled Lebanon for over 20 years, one that manipulated Syria for a lot longer than that...
I'm not really sad for his death, I donno how that goes along with my extreme pro-life opinions, I can't explain, it's not happiness rather than relief...
well, he's one of the few Old Guards left in power, so this should open new oppurtunities for reform...
This might be as well the regime's final shot, I personally believe it's all part of a deal with the US and France, it makes sense that way...
Another chance is given, let's seize this, it's time for the President to show us what he's really made of, I still have hope... he did a good interview on CNN today, I was particularly intersted in his statement about the chance of handing syrian officials to an international court, this is difinitley a deal...

the funny this is, I got today like 4 SMSs all saying the same thing... "Mabrouk, Happy Ramadn"... what a brilliant camouflage guys!!!

let us all hope for the best...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Important Documents...

Human Rights Watch Report on Syria (2005).
Also available in Arabic.

Iraq: Insurgent Groups Responsible for War Crimes, Report Challenges Justifications for Attacks on Civilians. [Human Rights Watch]
Also available in Arabic.

International Monetary Fund, The Staff Report for 2005 (In Consultation and Approval of the Syrian Arab Republic).

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

In defense of religion!

A lot of ppl, a lot of my friends, look at religion as "The opium of the masses"...
They support their stand with really strong arguments and examples, that I can't deny myself...
Even more, A lot of them actually descriminate -one way or another, on purpose or not, doesn't matter - against religious ppl... in form of relations, intercourse, judgment.... etc.

I'm not talking here in defense of Religion as a practice, I have my own extreme stands regarding this issue..
This is in defense of religion as a thought, as a form of expression and definitly as a form of a much needed spiritual assurance for billions of human beings...

I can say that I understand where this attitude is coming from - I DO NOT support nor agree with it, I understand what's behind it, the same misunderstanding occurs when I talk about Lebanese feelings towards syrians... I understand it, not support it -, definitly they don't have rights as religious ppl -relatively- they're not being accepted as who they r, rather than what they believe in, a lot of other reasons that stretch into the very deep practices of today's main religions and specifically here, Islam!
When ur existance is not aknowledged and ur right of expression is not aknowledged, and ur threatened because of what u believe in -or what u DON'T believe in, in this case- it might take u into extreme levels of self protection and confinement... I understand that, I feel that... but, since it's been written a lot about discrimination against non-religious ppl, I think it's fair enough to look at on another perspective...

Attacking religion, attacking religious ppl, figures, beliefs, holies... might be a result of this era of closeness, but it can never be justified, under any argument... it can only be condemned

I think I once told a fellow blogger, a religious one, that I deeply wish I can believe the way he does, I truly wish I can have the assurance and tranquility that religion provides... but I don't, and it'd be worse if I tried to fool myself into it...
It does provide tranquility, it does provide confidence in one's future, it does provide safety and security... a lot of things the OTHER SIDE don't aknowledge... for them it's an illusion, and everyone who falls into this illusion is not thinking straight... what does this differ the other extreme attitude of "Takfeer", it doesn't... if u go deep in it, it just doesn't... it comes from the same place, the fear from diversity, the single-sided look... it's another form of discrimination... Extreme only results in Extreme, that's a fact, viable anywhere, anytime..

I wish I could find my tranquility through religion, I don't... I can't... I envy those who have already found it... religious ones or non-religious ppl...
It doesn't matter whether u believe in GOD, Satan, Ra, Aphrodite, Buddha, Hitler.... or Nothing... it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't say anything about u... actions is what really counts... actions, my friend!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I believe that...

Life is too precious to hold on to when u can't make use of it.
Sexual attraction is as much an essential component in a long-term relationship as any other component.
God, is not a constant thing... it's a changing, evolving, metamorphosis power... or else where's the genius in it!
It's not 100% proven that God actually exists.
Unique ppl, Unique cases, are the pioneer of change in a society.
Pink Floyd's definitley the greatest rock band of all time.
Pink Floyd's "Hey You" is the greatest song of all time..
It's far more a sick world, than anyone could imagine.
It's far more worth fighting for, than anyone could bear.
Love is eventually just a couple of chemical equations.
even though, Love would still be a magical feeling.
Death penalty is never justified.
Innovation is the mainstream of the 21st century businesses.
the very deep secrets of life may have been uncovered a long time ago, we just need to realize that we discovered it.

all these beliefs are just illusions. while the only-lasting truth is still doubt...

Monday, October 03, 2005

Damascus, Not always so nice!

I don't like you, at least not at the moment! Definitely not at the moment..
2 days of screw ups, and mass punishment... [I'm the masses here!!]

Saturday, a very young and spirited boy arrives at the pullman stop in damas, and leaves without the least notice of how dirty and repulsive this area is... the high spirit has got to have sth to do with it...
Saturday afternoon, a personal catastrophe, that I'm definitely not discussing here!
the only upside, was hanging out with a brilliant band of losers, with 2 brilliant guitarists playing "7ewar al-seesan - Dialogue of Chicks" in some park in Qassa3... no matter how screwed ur gig is/was, u guys count for sth... [but maybe not together!!!]

Sunday, woke up into yet another personal disaster, and who says that once in a lifetime can't happen twice...
then, a Syrian Bloggers meetup, I know it's just me, but I expected to have a lot more fun meetup, my well-fucked 2 days had that magical effect, and the closed cafe atmosphere, the whole choice of place in the middle of Mezzeh Highway!!!... I donno.. I only talked with Zena, Ihsan and Amr... the rest looked sooo freakishly far away, and busy with their own conversations... The 2nd half of the meetup was soo much better, we actually got into conversations... but it was like I was through with this city and was determined not to have fun!! after the meetup, I was certainly not in the mood for a rock concert... headed home
All this ends, in a rather caricatural way for the reader, but very painful for ME!!! I go to the same travel agency I've been travelling with for years, and it's 10:10pm, the next bus is 11:30!!, Allah 3ama 3ala 2alby and I bought a ticket, naturally strolling through what I discovered to be the most repulsive area of all time, I hear someone calling on Latakia 10:30... at this moment, I remember that there's actually OTHER companies who have buses to Latakia, I go back to cancel my ticket, they refuse, we get into a "Dialogue", after a couple of shouts, they cancel, I go to buy one at the 10:30, and they're sold out... 2mins, and they're sold out... the next bus at ALL the other companies is 12pm... I go back with my tail between my legs to get my 11:30 ticket back... a brilliant final touch by Mr. Gee Oooh Dee!

Now, I'm sitting here, I'm tired, I'm bruised, I've survived 2 emotional crash downs, sitting in my small room, in this small flat [which is, if anybody's still wondering "My Stupid Corner"], in this peacful, white and sooo very much asleep city of Latakia...
I'm thankful for everyone who got me through those 2 days alive... Alaa and his rock band [I'm sorry, I couldn't see u guys on "Stage"], syrian bloggers and especially Zena, Ihsan and Amr... the uplifting call from my mom [who actually discovered later that night that she hasn't forgotten her wedding ring back home]...

I should seriously get some sleep now...