"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Meetup

This is the first chance I got to write after the meetup.. so it'll just be few impressions...

-Leila's the best choice ever... I LOVE THE TERRACE>> u got a great taste in places Ayman...
-I met Zena, Ghalia and Ihsan for the first time in this meeting which was intersting..
-Zena was extraordinary nice... I can't start to describe how fun and exciting is just listening to her... + the fact that my first comment ever was on her blog has to count for sth... as I said, it was absolutly brilliant meeting ya... ;)
-Ghalia, well, thank god she read my post about the last meeting... so, she knows bout these mysterious smiles! hehe... btw, I only seem to have these communication problems with ppl sitting infront of me..!!!!! weird ha?!!!!! anyways she's great... though we obviously didn't talk much!
-Ihsan.. was a bit far, sitting all the way at the other end of the table.. we didn't really get a chance to chat... but, THANX for backing me up on the Women Working issue...!! lol

everbody else were just great...
I did a great job restraining my wild [and stupid] politics tendencies... well, at least untill Dina left... then it all blew up at once with the Lebanon issue!

it was great meeting all of ya guys again...

Cheers for now... and.... untill the next meetup.. hopefully

Saturday, July 23, 2005

ooh... we're jealous!!!

after this refreshing day [read my last post]... I feel like a huge urge to write...

I've been marking this syrian-lebanese-border-crisis very carefully among ppl... and I gotta admit that it IS disgusting to see how syrians are reacting towards it... it's totally unbelievable.. as if the lebanese regime [and ppl] had occupied our country for the last 30 years, and played a major role in intensifying a civil war here and made pacts with israel about how distribute our lands... and stood with christians against muslems and then again flip-flopped against them turning it into a bitter religious war, assasinating ppl, and sticking their nose in every little detail in our daily life, and sucking the life out of the country and forming smuggling mafias and supporting hash plantations and cocaine factories... it's digusting... I don't wanna believe that those are truly syrians...
Lebanon has always been a refuge for syrians... it has always been the last bright area in this dark middle east... when the [rebels] overthrew Khaled Al-Azem he went to lebanon and when the french bombed damascus it was beirut who striked.. and and and... vise versa...

It's not right... not politically, not economically [most of the truck drivers are SYRIANS... plus all the Transit money that the treasury is losing..], not stratigically [we're forcing lebanon into a solo-peace plan with israel.. considering that that's their last land passage.. and honestly I wouldn't blame them...] and for sure it's not right ethically...

@PM. M. Naji Otari... I'm not stupid... I can't believe that bulshit about home security... give me some credit.. PLZ!!!

but then again... it's always been this plan... to take battles away from ur land so u wouldn't get hurt... syrian govt. is moving her battles into other grounds.. Iraq, Lebanon... etc... it's always been like this... and just when we thought that the withdrawal from lebanon marked the end of that era.. the HAD to prove us wrong...

There never had been REAL Bold demonstrations inside damascus [at least since the 70s] like the ones we've seen on march 10th and after closure of Atassi forum... I honestly believe that it was another favor from the lebanese...

The road to real democracy in Damascus has to cross the borders from Dabbousieh... and same for beirut...
think it over... we're not responsible for what the regime did in lebanon... that's a very common statement.. and it's VERY true... but what r the lebanese responsible for?! to get this treatment?!!!! ha?!! what have they done... fought for their democracy... is it jealousy maybe?!!!

Friday, July 22, 2005

a nice day at the beach... ;)

HEY everyone..
today was absolutly brilliant..., I had to do sth to get out of my blue(ness)... soo I volunteered in this Clean the Syrian Coast campaign...
it was nice doing some really useful sth every once in a while, especially that I KEEP complaining about how dirty our beaches...
anyways... in brief.. we gathered at the sports city, ofcours I went there with only a friend [everybody was going in groups depending on there party and stuff...]
NabiH Ismail [chairman of the Latakia baath party branch] gave us a lectur about how to face zionism, imperialism [and I'm sure he wanted to take about lebanism]... a speech that stirred a lot of clapping everytime one the clapping keywords appear [baath, 8 march, refa2, munadeleen... etc.....]..
only there when I realized that only like 10% of the ppl there are real volunteers... cuz the rest were [mu3askarat shabibet althawra and other party related ppl.... iti7ad 3am nisa2y... everthing they could get..]

I met some ppl there from highschool.. I joined them on their bus, to find out that I was in the Syrian Nationals bus... that was a surprise.. I mean, nothing against Syrian Nationals, but I never had real contact with any of em as an organisation... this was my first time... and I gotta say that I was pretty impressed, they're very well organized, and very disciplint... + they're extremely friendly and fun to be around... I had a really nice day cleaning the souther corniche of latakia... part of it I think, is because they loved tthat work, they weren't forced to be here, they wanted to... I respect that...
when we were finishing cleaning that area.. the "shabibet al-thawra" finally arrived.. they came down.. did one or 2 of these "nizam mondam" and went back... I wasn't really surprised..

It was a lot of hardwork... a lot of dirty bags and disgusting stuff... but it was worth it...
down sides... ppl from the street above us started throwing empty bottles at us... How careless can ppl be?!?!???! ha... some of their kids threw stones and little rocks...!!!!! it makes ya think that it isn't enough to just change the regime... u need to dig all this rotten community up again...

all in all... it a was a much needed experience... although I had a lot of criticism for volunteering in a MAS group sponsored event... and my reply to everyone who agrees with such criticism, is what I always say... I would ally with the devil himself if it would help this country get ONE notch up....

yalla, cheers everyone...

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Lower and lower... and lower..

back to latakia for a couple days of relaxation... blogging, and cleaning... and thinking... a lot of thinking... a lot of useless self-pity... a lot of everything...

low point again in my graph... a very low point...
nothing really extraordinary really happened... maybe that's it... nothing really happened.. a lot of stuff that I lost sleep over never really happened... stuff that I've day-dreamed.. that I've actually pretended that it happened never did...
I got my OK from the embassy last night... I still need an OK from MEXT [The japanese ministry of education or sth...]... so I'm 90% there... but u know what.. I'm not jumping and not partying.. I'm just CONTENT... I donno why I have to be such a bitch sometimes...

when ur going towards a step like this u HAVE to re-think what u've already done with ur life... that could be really devastating... I AM doing it ... tryna do it with as much honesty as it could get... weird feeling... very weird...
and not being a very optimistic person [by nature] doesn't quite help!!

I can't give real life examples... I wouldn't dare to share such stuff...
My most hated feeling is regret... ironic as it is, I've had a lot of that... I've had a lot of wrong choices, even a lot of right choices that I regret... I need to lose my histance... have to...

"could once in a lifetime happen twice"... A-ha [Lifelines Album...]... do U think that once in a lifetime happens twice...

right now... while I'm writing this blog, I had anothe phase of "do it, don't..." and I didn't... it wasn't such a big deal... but I regret it... *smiling like an idiot*

Nop, can't think of anything more depressing to say... not really...

Final analysis... I fucked up.. a lot... I hate that... but that how it is...

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

At last.. a chance to BLOG!!!!

yeah, back in lattakia for one quick night.. then Damas again.. [I feel like Ibn Battuta the last couple weeks]..
I got a lot of stuff to talk about.. a lot of stuff happened last week, I needed my blog, unfortunatly I didn't have a regular internet access so...

I'll just put some thoughts... my layouts that will never get into shape..

Live8 Concert.. it was nice, though MBC4 didn't miss one oppurtunity to blow off my favorite bands [no wonder I hate that channel], they couldn't have picked any worse scenes, missing on Travis, Placebo, half of Pink Floyd, REM... etc... anyways.. I saw Pink Floyd when the were singing "Comfortably Numb".. and OMG, Roger was absolutly breathtaking... and the scenes from The Wall couldn't have fit any better... Thumbs Up, after all these years, ur still the BEST!!

Latest syrian actions on the lebanese borders are totally hillarious... I mean don't ya guys get the picture here, Jack Shirac is not content with syrian govt. performance and cooperation, u really think that this is the right response..?!?????! closing the borders?! we got total dickheads running our cabinet!!! Shirac was the one to put syria out of its international isolation back in the 90s, and he's the only capable of doing that again NOW!!...

Talking bout Lebanese racism against Syrians... well, there was.. it's obvious, but i can understand that [I disagree with it, I condemn it, but I understand it], the thing is I don't understand why Syrians feel this way towards Lebanese?!!! don't tell me it's because of the last year... that's ONE lame excuse, the only response to the Closed Borders flashing news was, "Beystahlo... Nakrin al-jamil"!!!... I think we all need to rethink our attitudes...

I wateched "Le Fabuloux Destin d'Ameli Poulin" for the 7th time last week... and I was still stunned... Audrey Tauttou is simply stunning... can't wait to see her and Tom Hanks in "The Davinci Code", I loved the novel... and with Tauttou and Hanks in the movie... that's like heaven...

Again, I managed to hurt someone today... real bad [I think]... well, i didn't mean to... it happened.. I said sth as a joke.. it turned out it wasn't soo funny... and... OOPS, if ur still reading this blog S. I'M SORRY!!! I'm no bigshot... I'm a stupid fuck-ass loser... sorry AGAIN!!!

I'm supposed to be soo happy today.. cuz I called the cultural attache at the japanese embassy today, and she told me that I practically got the OK, and the interview is a just a routine, to get to know me a bit... but I donno I don't feel like jumping around... I hate that in me...!!!! I donno why.. I just go for the worst scenarios... today it was "The UN imposes sanctions on Syria, and Japan ends all culturla treaties with us... and thus old stupid me gets stuck with first year in Informatics here, cuz he's sooo stupid to pass that 1st year"... well I still donno if I actually passed... but that's my worst scenario now... (let alone mom's reaction when she knows I broke her mirror... I was hoping the Japan thingy would make us tie)... well... let's hope our cabinet isn't stupid enough to blow my chances...

yalla, cheers everbody..

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Between Homs and London...

Homs... a lovely black and white city... I love everything about it.. well, alomst!
I'm here for a while now... getting my driver's license... wednesday back to damas for my grand interview...

London... 9/11 all over again.. every year... USA, Iraq, Spain, Russia, and now the UK... some wanna blame it on fundementalism, and others wanna blame it on dictatorships, others on poverty and empirialism... look closer u'll see that inside every accusation there's a bomb waiting to blow... and no one really wants the "Truth"...

Friday, July 08, 2005

blogging from damas...

soo, I've been in homs... then today in damas...
as I said life works like a charm for me... even though I sucked big time in my japanese embassy exam... it turned out that I'm the only one qualified for the interview...!! fingers crossed everyone... Tokyo is only few steps ahead...

This is wierd... really weird... I'm having my worst week ever.. and this happens.. I mean after all this cursing and swear u'd think god would hate my guts...!!! hehe...

anyways... homs is great... now i'm in damas for a couple days... having a great time! I LOVE THIS CITY!!!

check out this new blog...
Dead Worm's Corner

and... cheers for now...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

talking about me... again!

every once in a while.. i get a bit depressed and alcoholic and stuff... I tend to go remembering my happy days, stuff that I've done... times that I've been No1... and when it gets realllyyy reallly bad.. I remember Egypt... EXACTLY 3 years ago... i was in egypt.. I just remember that I've been there.. all these ppl that i've met there.. all these DIFFERENT ppl... all these flashbacks and voices and smells... the wierdness of that whole month, the amazing set of coincidences... and accedents happened there...

u know, thinking about it.. i realize that I've been soo fucking lucky with my life... I mean, I WAS EXTRODRINARY lucky... the whole egypt trip was like a hoax until i actually got on the plane... I won a medal, ... I actually shook hands with Amr Moussa!!!!... made friends with Abdul-Hamid Sarraj's grand daughter [the first time I knew that was when I was blaming him and Nasser for all the dictatorships in the middle east, that was a bit awkward]... and DIDN'T wanna hang out with Abdul-Wahab's grandson, cuz he wasn't such a great company!!!!! and no I'm not drunk and I'm not hillusinating!!! all in a month... what r the odds????!!

I was something back then... I'm still something... but I was sth different... I wish I was a bit more mature, I would've handled these experiences differently... some stuff that happened there I still can't understand...

1 month in that country changed me forever... I mean, I had my first kiss there... that should be enough of a memory! everything i do now is [someway or another] is influenced by that month...

I was in such a bad mood today that I even had to go through the pics...
I donno why, but all through my stay I had this feeling like I HAD to shoutout everywhere "HEY... I'm different, I'm Syrian"... maybe the way ppl there love their country makes ya jelous or sth... I donno.. they're a very diffenet people... they're the kind of ppl that u can't be indifferent towards them, u either like him or not... actually u either love him or totally hate him... it was like that to me... the gap between ppl and ways of thinking there, makes u feel like ur jumping into hot boiling water then into frozen water and back again... all the time... I can't personally handle that!! couldn't handle that...

A lot of these feelings I wrote down, I can't actually explain, I'm not a judgemental person... but that's the way I felt..

I'm not soo coherent today... I'm sleepy, I wanna write sth about egypt days... I have an early bus to Homs.. everybody's at this university camp [I'm not cuz I'm a lonely kid], and I don't really like drinking alone, it makes me feel even worse..... I'm feeling sooo stupid the last couple days, a bit disappointed with coldplay's latest album [called "X&Y" nice, but not so original]... it's been a bad week, it's been a really bad week...

I donno if I'm gonna be posting from Homs... soo...

cheers for now!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Yup, I'm an Existentialist!

You scored as Existentialist. Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Mankind is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility.


Existentialist

100%

Materialist

88%

Postmodernist

75%

Modernist

69%

Idealist

69%

Cultural Creative

63%

Romanticist

25%

Fundamentalist

19%


What is Your World View? (updated)


I don't usually fall for quizes... but this one was quite tempting, u'll need real thinking before answering the questions!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

and... we've met!

oops... MY FAULT, I donno where did that last post go..

anyways... so we had our bloggers meet up last tuesday...
It was absolutly fantastic... everyone was soo nice... it was fun... and the place was absolutly great... all in all, it couldn't haven been better!!

some flashbacks...
We talked bout a lot of stuff... but mostly politics [thanx to me ofcourse :&, sorry everyone, I was just being me]!!!
I met Sinan first at Nofara, then a quick stroll down Medhat Pasha Str... it was absolutly great...
Ayman was particularly nice... he's soo great... I just hope we could meet again before u go abroad Ayman!!
I was sitting exactly infront of Ammar, and when we first sat, i was a bit flooded with data and stuff, so I couldn't think of anything to say.. and everytime we cross eyes, I'd just SMILE!! and he smiles back... let's get that cleared up now.. I'm not an idiot.. i was over-flooded!!! ;)
Annie was a very nice surprise... + I'd like to think that she helped me a bit turning the conversation into politics... so it's not all my fault.. hehe!!!
Amr was pretty brave, talking about Nirvana and Placebo like that infront of me ;)... btw, check out my famous Playlist Amr... [I've cut out some of the very embarrasing tracks]....
Sara, Majd, Baher and Dina and the rest were all just great... it was a pitty we couldn't talk more...

Special thanx to Sara for the signed Incubus pick... [if there's any Incubus fans here, get her
email and FLOOD her with emails... she knows the guitarist IN PERSON!!!] ;)
Special sorry to Dina cuz I found out that she's REALLY not into politics!! sorry Dina...

anyways... thanx for the lovely meeting... can't wait for the next time!!!


cheer everyone!