"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

talking about me... again!

every once in a while.. i get a bit depressed and alcoholic and stuff... I tend to go remembering my happy days, stuff that I've done... times that I've been No1... and when it gets realllyyy reallly bad.. I remember Egypt... EXACTLY 3 years ago... i was in egypt.. I just remember that I've been there.. all these ppl that i've met there.. all these DIFFERENT ppl... all these flashbacks and voices and smells... the wierdness of that whole month, the amazing set of coincidences... and accedents happened there...

u know, thinking about it.. i realize that I've been soo fucking lucky with my life... I mean, I WAS EXTRODRINARY lucky... the whole egypt trip was like a hoax until i actually got on the plane... I won a medal, ... I actually shook hands with Amr Moussa!!!!... made friends with Abdul-Hamid Sarraj's grand daughter [the first time I knew that was when I was blaming him and Nasser for all the dictatorships in the middle east, that was a bit awkward]... and DIDN'T wanna hang out with Abdul-Wahab's grandson, cuz he wasn't such a great company!!!!! and no I'm not drunk and I'm not hillusinating!!! all in a month... what r the odds????!!

I was something back then... I'm still something... but I was sth different... I wish I was a bit more mature, I would've handled these experiences differently... some stuff that happened there I still can't understand...

1 month in that country changed me forever... I mean, I had my first kiss there... that should be enough of a memory! everything i do now is [someway or another] is influenced by that month...

I was in such a bad mood today that I even had to go through the pics...
I donno why, but all through my stay I had this feeling like I HAD to shoutout everywhere "HEY... I'm different, I'm Syrian"... maybe the way ppl there love their country makes ya jelous or sth... I donno.. they're a very diffenet people... they're the kind of ppl that u can't be indifferent towards them, u either like him or not... actually u either love him or totally hate him... it was like that to me... the gap between ppl and ways of thinking there, makes u feel like ur jumping into hot boiling water then into frozen water and back again... all the time... I can't personally handle that!! couldn't handle that...

A lot of these feelings I wrote down, I can't actually explain, I'm not a judgemental person... but that's the way I felt..

I'm not soo coherent today... I'm sleepy, I wanna write sth about egypt days... I have an early bus to Homs.. everybody's at this university camp [I'm not cuz I'm a lonely kid], and I don't really like drinking alone, it makes me feel even worse..... I'm feeling sooo stupid the last couple days, a bit disappointed with coldplay's latest album [called "X&Y" nice, but not so original]... it's been a bad week, it's been a really bad week...

I donno if I'm gonna be posting from Homs... soo...

cheers for now!

2 Comments:

Blogger Sinan said...

Cheer up man, this is life up and downs and it's just the beginning.
The important thing is to know how to handle it, how you should confront it or how to brace yourself when you must. And it's all up to you and your decisions I honestly don't think ther is right or wrong in any path you choose, anyway welcome to adults' life.

July 05, 2005 8:49 PM

 
Blogger Stellar said...

You know what? I totally can relate to your situation. When I was living in the US, life couldn't be better because I had everything worked out. I was something that I never imagined I'd be. Now it's like I'm struggling to be the person, I'd love to be.

Yeah, I also wish that I looked at some stuff differently when I lived in the US because I'd be in a much better situation now.

You know what though? As I'd call it, life is a rollercoaster journey, it has it's ups, downs, twists and turns. It's up to us what to make out with what we've got. Just remember, it's not the destination that counts it's the journey itself... You'll learn a whole lot and when the timing is right, you'd be whatever you want to be, if you choose to win the struggle of life.

July 07, 2005 6:44 PM

 

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