"To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice." - Jostein Gaarder

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Lower and lower... and lower..

back to latakia for a couple days of relaxation... blogging, and cleaning... and thinking... a lot of thinking... a lot of useless self-pity... a lot of everything...

low point again in my graph... a very low point...
nothing really extraordinary really happened... maybe that's it... nothing really happened.. a lot of stuff that I lost sleep over never really happened... stuff that I've day-dreamed.. that I've actually pretended that it happened never did...
I got my OK from the embassy last night... I still need an OK from MEXT [The japanese ministry of education or sth...]... so I'm 90% there... but u know what.. I'm not jumping and not partying.. I'm just CONTENT... I donno why I have to be such a bitch sometimes...

when ur going towards a step like this u HAVE to re-think what u've already done with ur life... that could be really devastating... I AM doing it ... tryna do it with as much honesty as it could get... weird feeling... very weird...
and not being a very optimistic person [by nature] doesn't quite help!!

I can't give real life examples... I wouldn't dare to share such stuff...
My most hated feeling is regret... ironic as it is, I've had a lot of that... I've had a lot of wrong choices, even a lot of right choices that I regret... I need to lose my histance... have to...

"could once in a lifetime happen twice"... A-ha [Lifelines Album...]... do U think that once in a lifetime happens twice...

right now... while I'm writing this blog, I had anothe phase of "do it, don't..." and I didn't... it wasn't such a big deal... but I regret it... *smiling like an idiot*

Nop, can't think of anything more depressing to say... not really...

Final analysis... I fucked up.. a lot... I hate that... but that how it is...

3 Comments:

Blogger Tolerant Damascene said...

Sometimes, the worst critic is yourself. You've worked hard to get where you want to be, so don't let your cynicism kill what you haven't felt or lived yet.

Good luck on everything. Take it easy :)

by the way, I LOVE that A-Ha song :)

July 20, 2005 7:36 AM

 
Blogger Baher said...

Take it easy Yazan, and Good luck in everything.

July 20, 2005 11:27 PM

 
Blogger Ammar said...

easy man, good things happen when you're expecting it the least. :)

July 22, 2005 11:14 PM

 

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